It is particularly important for you to receive constructive criticism rather than any old sort of criticism. Criticism expressed constructively is less likely to be painful, and it's much more likely to help you create a better work. It's less likely to trigger a defensive reaction in you, which means you're more likely to listen to it. Constructive criticism also focuses on solutions rather than problems, so it's more likely to help you understand how to fix the problems you're having.

Feel free to specify to your readers that you only want constructive criticism. Since many people misunderstand constructive criticism to mean ignoring problems rather than suggesting solutions and expressing them helpfully, you may have to explain what constructive criticism is. If they just don't get it, then find someone else who's willing to help you. (Again, however, keep in mind that this applies to finding someone to help you as you develop your work. If you publish your work, you don't get to tell people what they can and can't say about your writing.)

If someone isn't accustomed to giving constructive criticism but is willing to give it a try, then give them some time to adjust and don't expect miracles. Help them learn to give constructive criticism just as they help you learn how to write better. For example, if your reader simply tells you about a problem, then ask them what they'd suggest as a solution. Prompt them for the helpful parts.

Here are a few general guidelines to follow:

• If you mention a problem, suggest a solution or two.
• Remain positive--don't be sarcastic, dismissive, or deliberately mean.
• Focus on what can be fixed and how, not what's wrong.
• Mention the good as well as the bad.
• Be friendly.
• Keep in mind at all times that your purpose is to help the writer improve his writing--it isn't to rip apart his work. The line between these two things can be thin, so it's important to keep your purpose as helper firmly in mind.
• This means that you're honest without being nasty, helpful without coddling.

In return, it's the writer's job to accept that constructive criticism gracefully. To ask someone for a critique and then get angry at them for providing it is rude at best. To put material out in the public eye and get angry at people for commenting on it is naive, unrealistic, and again, rude--remember that publication, however informal, is putting your work in the public eye. And just as actors have to put up with having their performances commented on, and novelists have to put up with reviews--you have to deal with whatever praise or scorn you receive once you publish your material. If you aren't ready for that, don't publish it.

In summary, it's about helping each other out in a positive way, and becoming better at our writing skills.